The signs of abusive relationships are not always too difficult to detect. The red signs are ever glaring. And with the physical pain they cause comes the attendant emotional trauma and psychological whirlpool. You begin to lose your radiant glow and over time you begin to despair of even life itself. Why should you really live like this?
You keep deceiving yourself with talks like: “he’ll change”, “she’ll become better”, “I need to just give it time….” But then you’ve put in long months into the relationship and just when you begin to think it’s getting any better, things take a turn for the worst. Do you really want to stay in this? Friends tell you to quit and sometimes, you want to take their word for it and just call it off but the next minute they coo ‘baby’, and your insides turn into a mushy jelly. Your brain tells you that this is wrong but your heart can’t seem to catch up and act accordingly. You’ve sometimes braved it and told them that it’s over but before the day turns to night, you’re already in their inboxes—and even beds—and the awful cycle continues. All your friends feel sorry for you, you catch their pity in the way they act around you but they cannot say anything anymore because you keep throwing tantrums and getting offended when they hit you with the truth.
Acknowledging your deep desire to put an end to things for good, and understanding your quest for inner peace and calm, we’ve put together these few tips that we believe can help you finally get out.
- Say it till it sinks into your subconscious. Tell yourself that you’ve had enough. Words are powerful! They control our entire existence and order our mental processes. If you keep telling yourself that they’ll get better even when all of the signs point to the opposite, you’ll succeed in fooling yourself into believing that. Lay the facts bare and tell yourself the truth even if it stings. This relationship drains all of you, tell yourself that. Speak it to your hearing. This might be a painful process but give it what it takes; growth can indeed be painful.
- Sit down with yourself and make a list of the existing pros and cons. The cons will definitely outnumber the pros. This will put your desire to get out in perspective for you. Without questions, you are going to come upon very good points why they are not really that bad for you. By reason of what you share, which must have been good at a point, you’ll tend to dwell on whatever goodness remains in them. “Oh! He never forgets my birthday!” But somewhere along that, you’ll begin to see the reasons why the relationship is just bad for you. “Oh! He always buys you birthday gifts and then takes you out, where he gets drunk and beat you to a pulp under the influence.” Not such a good thing, yeah?
- Bring in a reliable and trust-worthy friend that can help keep you accountable. One of the reasons you keep running back to them is because you don’t have a ‘STOP’ sign. On this journey, you need to have a friend that can serve as a ‘STOP’ sign for you; you need someone to act as your brains when yours become clouded with emotions; you need a reality check. When they gob-smack you with full details of the miserable life you’re running back to, you’re bound to have a rethink. You need to have someone you can be open to.
- Go beyond just saying “it’s over!” and take the further necessary actions. If there is a need to protect your social space from them, then block them on all your social apps. It might seem childish and petty to you now but your overall well being is the most important thing at the moment.
Cutting them off is a sign of burning the bridges. It makes it doubly difficult for you to reach out to them when you begin to miss their presence. That you miss them doesn’t mean you should get back with them. On this note, if it helps your self-control, you might equally consider intentionally losing their numbers. You get it?
- Fill up the space they leave. No matter how bad a relationship was, for the fact that the both of you have spent considerable amount of time together, there’s bound to be a vacuum. For example, all the hours you spent in each other’s company is freed up and you now have lots of time on your hands. Find productive ways to engage yourself this period. You can decide to invest it into acquiring a skill or learning a new language. Do not leave those hours empty or you’ll waste them mooning over the ended companionship. Rather, invest them into personal development; build yourself up. Doing so helps you truly end the relationship and move on.
If you need more convincing on why you need to cut off from such draining relationships, take a very sincere introspective look. What are the things you would have achieved with your life had they not been in it? Look at your personal growth plan—if you managed to create one, in all of that entire ruckus— how much progress have you made? Is your life getting better with each dawn and dusk? Or are you stuck in a limbo?
When you’ve finally braved it and walked away from all of that toxicity, it’s important that you take time to heal. Go ahead and get professional help where needed. Abusive relationships tear down your esteem; some of them endanger your physical health— especially in cases of physical abuse. One way or the other, your overall well being must have been shaken up, be intentional about your wholesome recovery.
You know what? You deserve a treat after surviving this one; feel free to take a vacation—if your budget allows. Bottom line: give yourself a treat.